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[thirtythird]

@ wlawford
room 023; bunk 025 (with loki odinson)
text ✰ voice ✰ holovid

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[dothelokimotion]

No. They're all gone and I'm — It shouldn't matter but I wish I had. I wish I did.

[thirtythird]

Did?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki hesitates. ]

I . . . died. Before I came here.

[thirtythird]

[All of this is odd. Everything's been odd since waking on this ship. Somehow, certain things still knock him through a loop.

This is one of those things. This tenses his fingers tight against Loki's skin, forehead pushing hard against forehead, momentarily desperate to feel the reality of standing with a living, breathing being.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ it's a lot and loki feels unwound by mentioning it, but he sighs against william, his arms slipping around him. ]

I'm still here. It's all right. I'm still here.

[thirtythird]

You're-- here.

[That's true. That's real. That's something he can feel, palpably.]

You are.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki rubs soothing circles over william's back. ]

I should have told you. I'm sorry.

[thirtythird]

Quite a difficult thing to slip into casual conversation.

[But it's out now. It's something to take a bit of time sorting through.]

Sit with me?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki nods, gently leading him towards the bed. ]

[thirtythird]

[It's a little easier to sort through when he doesn't have to think about standing, when he can simply be curled around Loki without worry about his knees giving out.]

One thing at a time, hm?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki brushes his fingers over william's hair. ]

That is how it always is.

[ he doesn't have the luxury of dreaming of a future. not anymore. ]

[thirtythird]

It all does start with you, darling.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki falls silent. ]

What would you have me do?

[thirtythird]

Try.

[William doesn't want to dislodge an inch of being close together, but his fingers do scramble slightly to find his husband's. The press of his own ring digging into his skin when he holds tight is infinitely reassuring.]

Try with me.

[dothelokimotion]

[ tendrils of warmth slip around loki's heart as he twines their fingers togethers, rings glinting. ]

As you wish.

[thirtythird]

[There's a gentle prickling of relief, but it doesn't stop the tightness of his grip.]

And you?

[dothelokimotion]

. . . I want to be here. With you.

[ but what loki doesn't have yet is the ability of believing whether he should be here. he crawled out from the other side and he doesn't know where this journey will take him. to his death? to a future?

when you keep losing, keep dying, no matter what you do, it's hard to feel that this is right. that there should be air in your lungs. ]

[thirtythird]

[That feels real. That feels like an extension of the hand in his own, the body his own is curled against; the wonderful tangled sensation keeping his heart tethered here.]

Then we've some work ahead of us, love.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his fingers tighten briefly. ]

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. All I know is that I must do it. I must move forward.

[thirtythird]

To be a good husband?

[dothelokimotion]

To be . . . worthy.

[thirtythird]

Of loving yourself?

[That does seem to be the sticking point.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki is not sure that's right. he just knows that if he felt worthy, the true worth, it wouldn't be so hard to believe in love and everything else. so he nods. ]

I think I could believe that worth, it would be easier.

[thirtythird]

I'm certain you can.

[He's certain of Loki.]

One day at a time.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki leans against william. ]

Okay . . . okay.