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[thirtythird]

@ wlawford
room 023; bunk 025 (with loki odinson)
text ✰ voice ✰ holovid

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[thirtythird]

Quite a difficult thing to slip into casual conversation.

[But it's out now. It's something to take a bit of time sorting through.]

Sit with me?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki nods, gently leading him towards the bed. ]

[thirtythird]

[It's a little easier to sort through when he doesn't have to think about standing, when he can simply be curled around Loki without worry about his knees giving out.]

One thing at a time, hm?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki brushes his fingers over william's hair. ]

That is how it always is.

[ he doesn't have the luxury of dreaming of a future. not anymore. ]

[thirtythird]

It all does start with you, darling.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki falls silent. ]

What would you have me do?

[thirtythird]

Try.

[William doesn't want to dislodge an inch of being close together, but his fingers do scramble slightly to find his husband's. The press of his own ring digging into his skin when he holds tight is infinitely reassuring.]

Try with me.

[dothelokimotion]

[ tendrils of warmth slip around loki's heart as he twines their fingers togethers, rings glinting. ]

As you wish.

[thirtythird]

[There's a gentle prickling of relief, but it doesn't stop the tightness of his grip.]

And you?

[dothelokimotion]

. . . I want to be here. With you.

[ but what loki doesn't have yet is the ability of believing whether he should be here. he crawled out from the other side and he doesn't know where this journey will take him. to his death? to a future?

when you keep losing, keep dying, no matter what you do, it's hard to feel that this is right. that there should be air in your lungs. ]

[thirtythird]

[That feels real. That feels like an extension of the hand in his own, the body his own is curled against; the wonderful tangled sensation keeping his heart tethered here.]

Then we've some work ahead of us, love.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his fingers tighten briefly. ]

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. All I know is that I must do it. I must move forward.

[thirtythird]

To be a good husband?

[dothelokimotion]

To be . . . worthy.

[thirtythird]

Of loving yourself?

[That does seem to be the sticking point.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki is not sure that's right. he just knows that if he felt worthy, the true worth, it wouldn't be so hard to believe in love and everything else. so he nods. ]

I think I could believe that worth, it would be easier.

[thirtythird]

I'm certain you can.

[He's certain of Loki.]

One day at a time.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki leans against william. ]

Okay . . . okay.

[thirtythird]

Thank you, my own.

[There will be more like this he's certain. The unwinding of deep hurts won't be an easy path. Perhaps the hope should be more fragile.

It isn't.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki curls his fingers around william's hand and raises it to his lips so he can lay little kisses on his knuckles, leaving a lingering one around his ring. ]

You are my husband. By choice, by soul. I want no other.

[thirtythird]

[Each brush of lips draws a calmer, easier breath. His own are lifted to press against Loki's temple, firm and present.]

Will you not be kinder to my husband, then?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki manages a weak nod. ]

Of course.

[thirtythird]

You are my husband.

[Even now, it's a wonderful truth to be able to murmur against Loki's skin.]

You are my choice. You are my joy.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki chokes out a sob as he curls closer around william. ]

Mine.

[thirtythird]

Ah, mo chuisle.

[There's no elegance to tucking his husband in against himself. It doesn't matter. What matters is being warm and solid and real, holding just a hair tighter than comfortable so that the sensation will linger.]