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[thirtythird]

@ wlawford
room 023; bunk 025 (with loki odinson)
text ✰ voice ✰ holovid

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[thirtythird]

Of course, my own. [The truth gets easier and easier, day by day.] Do you? Do you-- know how much you're trying? Do you see yourself?

[dothelokimotion]

[ he shudders. ]

I think so.

[thirtythird]

[Nodding hurts a little, foreheads still pressed together too tight. It abates slightly as he shifts for another needy kiss, fingers tensing further at Loki's shoulder.]

You can do this, love.

[dothelokimotion]

[ he grasp william's wrists, like lifelines. ]

Will you stay?

[thirtythird]

Of course.

[Now. Forever. It's all the same tangled ball of devotion.]

There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his shoulders sag in relief as he presses his lips to william's palm to still the trembling. ]

[thirtythird]

It's rotten, lonely work, mo chridhe, but I promise you you are not alone.

[Saying isn't fixing, but it has to help a little.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki gives a jerky nod at that. ]

I know. I . . . I know I'm not.

[thirtythird]

Good.

[His hand shifts, cupping gently at his husband's cheek to angle for a firm kiss to the forehead.]

God, but I adore you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki manages a tremulous smile as he manages another kiss to william's wrist, right over the pulse point. ]

Thank you for . . . coming to get me.

[ a pause, wavering. ]

Long ago, I . . . fell. I let go. I looked into my father's face and I saw nothing. I was falling and falling and I think — I think I was screaming. Beginning. Time and space — it lost all meaning. I don't know how long I was there.

All I knew was . . . no one came for me.

[thirtythird]

[His own breath comes with a soft shake, settling the new point of knowledge into the patchwork of Loki.]

You've been taught your own worth so poorly.

[dothelokimotion]

Thor told me once long ago that they mourned. They all did.

But I know it's not true. Thor may have mourned. Even my mother. But no one else would have.

[thirtythird]

Does it... help, darling? [His nose bumps lightly against Loki's.] Thinking on that?

[dothelokimotion]

No. They're all gone and I'm — It shouldn't matter but I wish I had. I wish I did.

[thirtythird]

Did?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki hesitates. ]

I . . . died. Before I came here.

[thirtythird]

[All of this is odd. Everything's been odd since waking on this ship. Somehow, certain things still knock him through a loop.

This is one of those things. This tenses his fingers tight against Loki's skin, forehead pushing hard against forehead, momentarily desperate to feel the reality of standing with a living, breathing being.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ it's a lot and loki feels unwound by mentioning it, but he sighs against william, his arms slipping around him. ]

I'm still here. It's all right. I'm still here.

[thirtythird]

You're-- here.

[That's true. That's real. That's something he can feel, palpably.]

You are.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki rubs soothing circles over william's back. ]

I should have told you. I'm sorry.

[thirtythird]

Quite a difficult thing to slip into casual conversation.

[But it's out now. It's something to take a bit of time sorting through.]

Sit with me?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki nods, gently leading him towards the bed. ]

[thirtythird]

[It's a little easier to sort through when he doesn't have to think about standing, when he can simply be curled around Loki without worry about his knees giving out.]

One thing at a time, hm?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki brushes his fingers over william's hair. ]

That is how it always is.

[ he doesn't have the luxury of dreaming of a future. not anymore. ]

[thirtythird]

It all does start with you, darling.