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[thirtythird]

@ wlawford
room 023; bunk 025 (with loki odinson)
text ✰ voice ✰ holovid

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[thirtythird]

[He's tense. He's worried. He's laughing softly all the same, unable to restrain the bubble of contentment rising in his chest.]

I wish you'd spare some of that flattering perception for yourself.

[dothelokimotion]

. . . I don't understand.

[thirtythird]

Only you're so much kinder to me than to yourself, love.

[dothelokimotion]

I — It just feels right.

[thirtythird]

...I know. [As much as he could, at any rate.] I wish this were easier on you.

[dothelokimotion]

. . . I will try to do better. I'll be better.

[thirtythird]

You are already such a wonder. You-- are already enough, just as you are.

[Just to be clear.]

[dothelokimotion]

How can that be?

[thirtythird]

I don't know that there's a proper logic to affection.

What... hurts, Loki, isn't-- you. It's... more the ache of wishing you had more joy of your own.

[dothelokimotion]

[ if you love me, if you love William, the only way you'll be able to make any of it right is to learn to love yourself. you cannot accept love or give it when you hate yourself. that is how to make it right. ]

. . . You are my joy.

[thirtythird]

Am I enough?

[dothelokimotion]

[ oh, his heart stutters at the thought that he's passed along the same pain to william. ]

Yes. Yes. Of course you are. You always will be.

[thirtythird]

[A quiet moment of weigh; a proper consideration.]

I believe you.

[An unvarnished truth.]

Where are you?

[dothelokimotion]

I'm in my room.

[ after his talk with thor, he's been going over everything. spinning in circles. ]

[thirtythird]

[Not awful. Probably.]

Will you let me know when you're receiving visitors?

[Calling rather than showing up had to be respected, no matter the discomfort.]

[dothelokimotion]

You can come by if you like.

[thirtythird]

[A pause with the soft sounds of preparations--tugging at boots, settling a jacket.]

Do you see your own qualities, my pulse?

[dothelokimotion]

My qualities? I'm not sure I follow.

[thirtythird]

That make it easy for others to love you.

[Not quite what Loki had said, but the slant he understands.]

[dothelokimotion]

I . . . am not sure what those are.

[ a pause. ]

Thor said I was better at demonstrative actions. I suppose that would be a quality.

[thirtythird]

You are. And you're incredibly clever, you know. And--

[The faintest pause, because there are so many wrong ways to say this.]

--ferocious.

[Almost the right word. Something to mull as he finishes his buttons and begins to slide down the hall.]

[dothelokimotion]

Ferocious?

[ under that voice is a note of desperate, of longing to hear more, like thirst. ]

[thirtythird]

Terribly. [Another brief pause, picking carefully through his own thoughts.] Do you know tigers, darling?

[dothelokimotion]

I have heard of them, yes.

[thirtythird]

I met a man, once, who kept them. Brutal, vicious creatures, but they minded him. Killed for him. It must have made him feel-- properly invulnerable. No one in their right mind would try to battle through tigers to get to him.

[A soft laugh.] And then someone did. [He's mentioned Richard Sharpe before, he's certain, but it isn't important now.] And... for a long time, I thought it wasn't possible for anyone to be more... utterly vicious than a man who would throw himself against a tiger to survive.

Do you follow me, darling?