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[thirtythird]

@ wlawford
room 023; bunk 025 (with loki odinson)
text ✰ voice ✰ holovid

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[thirtythird]

Have you? Particular favourites?

[dothelokimotion]

A few. The story of Skoll and Hati, the Vestals of Olepeia, the Fire Dancers of Muspelheim.

I wrote one some time ago, about myself. Asgard enjoyed it.

[thirtythird]

Did you, you clever thing? I don't suppose we've any chance of tracking that down?

[dothelokimotion]

We can . . . try? I'm not sure what sort of information Perseus posseses.

[thirtythird]

I'd dearly love to read it.

[dothelokimotion]

It is honestly not that impressive. It was just cathartic for the moment.

[thirtythird]

But it's a piece of you.

[That's the whole. point??]

[dothelokimotion]

None of my pieces bear much scrutiny. I just didn't want to be forgotten by my people.

[thirtythird]

When we have the leisure, we're meant to study the things that bring us joy.

Was it well received?

[dothelokimotion]

They loved it. I was surprised.

Though I did make it suitably dramatic.

[thirtythird]

Why shouldn't they have, you clever thing?

[dothelokimotion]

[ clever thing. loki flushes, bright with praise. ]

I wasn't sure they would. Long ago, Asgard hated Frost Giants. They were like . . . fairy tale demons and ghouls.

And I was one, though I didn't know until much later.

[thirtythird]

Being seen for yourself can take quite a bit of doing, can't it.

[Not that suppressing his native-born accent had been such a terrible struggle for himself, but watching Sharpe over the years had hammered this particular point home.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki hesitates before admitting. ]

My true self . . . I haven't even seen it for myself. I'm afraid of what I might see if I look into the mirror. My whole life I was taught that Frost Giants were evil, brutish things. Who ate children and murdered innocents.

[thirtythird]

[okay but do you know what is a pretty amazing yule gift is this soft sharing]

I can't begin to imagine.

[dothelokimotion]

I know that it is not . . . true. That no species is one thing only but I cannot fully untangle myself from it.

I've been trying to get more comfortable with it, but I don't want to see it. Not yet.

[ it says a lot though, that loki still calls his true self an "it". ]

[thirtythird]

Difficult enough to see ourselves clearly without the whole world piling on like that. Particularly what we do and don't get to call "true."

You really are a treasure, you know. Through all the complexities.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki wants to instantly dismiss it, despite being the words he wished to soak up, believe in. through great effort, he reins it in and asks instead. ]

What makes you say that? I truly don't understand.

[thirtythird]

The way you speak about yourself and the way you hold my hand.

[Small things, perhaps, but he's known his fair share of proper monsters.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ ah. ]

I am trying. I didn't — I didn't do it right before.

I'm glad it mattered. That you see me in that light.

[thirtythird]

Lord knows it isn't easy.

I'll be here seeing you when you're ready to hear it, aye?

[dothelokimotion]

[ would he? or would lawford disappear like everyone else does? ]

I'll do my best.

[thirtythird]

You've done so well already, dear boy.

[dothelokimotion]

. . . Thank you.

[thirtythird]

Only the truth, darling.